On My Own
by Bellatrix5982
Summary: Based on the song from Les Mis 'On My Own' Basically how mrs. lovett loves mr. barker with all her heart and he will never love her back. songfic


**A/N: I was listening to Les Mis songs and I realized how Eponine's love for Marius is just like Mrs. Lovett's love for Barker/Todd. Set before he was shipped ****off. The**** words relate to the stanza below it. Plz review and tell me what you think. I own nothing

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As night drew closer and closer the streets of London darkened all were asleep except for one baker standing in the street. She walked as everyone else slept. Everyone had someone to hold and she would hug herself on the darkness. If the air was chilly the thought of him would warm her up, and if she was sad the picture of his face would make her smile. The one man she loved was already married, except for on these moonlit nights.

_Sometimes I walk alone at night_

_When everybody else is sleeping__I_

_ think of him and then I'm happy_

_With the company I'm keeping__T_

_he city goes to bed_

_And I can live inside my head._

She had no family, no one to turn to except for him. On these moonlit nights she would come up with ways to confess her love for him, and how he would return her love with a warm embrace and a tender kiss. She would wonder the streets not knowing where she was going. On these nights she would picture his face, and how as long as she had him, she would never be lost.

_On my own_

_Pretending he's beside me_

_All alone, I walk with him till morning_

_Without him__I feel his arms around me_

_And when I lose my way _

_I__ close my eyes_

_And he has found me_

She raised her hand to feel the rain fall gently on her skin. She saw how the rain made the world even more beautiful than before. The pavement went from the grey to silver, the lamppost were like clouds of light in the river. She would look at the barren tree and how the rain and stars filled it with light and gave off a feeling of tenderness that no one had ever shown to her. A couple stood beneath the tree and for a moment she believed it to be her and the barber but she knew better than that.

_In the rain the pavement shines like silver_

_All the lights are misty in the river_

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight_

_And all I see is him and me forever and forever _

Then she always comes to the realization that that couple will never be her and the barber, or anyone else, not with her. The rain starts to feel like ice and tears start to stream down her face how she wished for the Barber to hear her words of love for him, but he will never hear them for he is blind to the love she holds for him. Even though she knows it will never happen the Baker never stops hoping.

_And I know it's only in my mind_

_That I'm talking to myself and not to him_

_And although I know that he is blind_

_Still I say, there's a way for us_

She loves him, and every day she will love him more. But as the moonlight fades and the rain ceases the world around her loses its sense of wonder and extraordinary colors. If he were to ever leave her, her world would crumble into nothingness and sorrow. The stars fade leaving the tree branches reaching for her, and the beggars of the street come out to 'greet' her.

_I love him_

_But when the night is over_

_He is gone, the river's just a river_

_Without him the world around me changes__T_

_he trees are bare and everywhere_

_The streets are full of strangers_

She loves him, but as each day passes she realizes that he will never love her back the way she does for him. She has fooled herself into believing that he loves her when he doesn't. If she were to ever die he would go on, living a happy life with his wife and child, a life that she will never live to know.

_I love him_

_But every day I'm learning_

_All my life I've only been pretending_

_Without me his world will go on turning_

_A world that's full of happiness__T_

_hat I have never known!_

She makes her way back to the shop and stops in front of the window to see the barber give his wife and child a kiss on the head. He holds them in a warm embrace oblivious to the baker outside the window. Her love for him will never die but as long as he has his family he will never notice her.

_I love him_

_I love him_

_I love him_

_But only on my own._

He looks up as she enters the shop, her hair wet from the rain, her face still wet from her tears.

"Mrs. Lovett have you been crying?" he said motioning to the streak marks on her face.

"No I'm fine love." She said in a gentle voice pushing his hand away

"Okay, but you know if there was anything bothering you, you could tell me right?" she looked into his brown eyes and saw the sincerity in his words.

"Mr. Barker I-I"

"You what? Are you okay?"

"Mr. Barker I-"she was cut off when he heard Johanna start to cry. He immediately rushed from Mrs. Lovett and went to attend to his family.

Mrs. Lovett looked at the family glad that he was happy, but at the same time sad that she would never have him. Never be able to hold him in her arms and tell him what she has always felt. She looked at the picture of the family she had sitting on the table beside her chair and fingering the picture of Benjamin Barker she whispered in a hushed voice. "I love you."

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**A/N: okay I know not the best thing in the world but I HAD to write this, Mrs. Lovett and Eponine are so similar, in the sense that they both love a man that they know will never love them back the same way. **


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